did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i think i just lost a toe
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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