"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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