I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Please don't give away my fajitas
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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