i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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