Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize