i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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