I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I will pee on everything he values.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
