Don't you send me to vm
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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