how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
