Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
