Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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