Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
