it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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