my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
