i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
