wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
