I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
