I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize