:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
