apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
