the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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