so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
