why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize