Cold hands, warm shart.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
