it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I am naked and annoyed.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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