can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Randomize
