You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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