dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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