I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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