Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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