remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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