There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
