Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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