i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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