At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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