I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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