Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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