I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize