I'm gonna have a badass scar
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
