I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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