If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Randomize
