I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
