I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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