I want to make a zoo with you.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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