i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wish i was in the wii world.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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