It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
