If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
