I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
