it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
