I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
