piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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