We're like a lot better than the average bears
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
