i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
