I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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