They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
