i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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