It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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