he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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