Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
