The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize