Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
