i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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