too bad you live with your parents still
Need sex. Gaining weight.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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