Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
