I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
