you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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