you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
