so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
