dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I cut my penus on the lid.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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