There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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