Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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