we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
