Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
