Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
