people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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