just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
