after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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