no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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