her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize