hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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