MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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