no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
