I cockslap morals
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
