I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
