she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
