my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
