i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
