me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
