awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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