If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
