he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
