Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
