after a month anything with tits is on the radar
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
