In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
