I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
