you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
