He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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