you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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