Define "chronic" masturbator.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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