the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
