I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
