I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
