we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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