Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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