He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize