Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
